Then, while I was away on a retreat, we received word that a fire had gutted the interior of my church - St. Thomas Church.  I have a number of memories associated with that event, memories of the devastation - the white bricks walls as if they had been painted black, not a single shred of carpet left in the lobby, and the fine old wood table similar to this altar and all that remained was a tiny outline of dust on the floor.  I have memories of a community rallying and drawing closer to address this crisis in their lives. And I have one unpleasant memory - a pivotal event for me because shortly after the fire I left St. Thomas Church disappointed and disillusioned. 

A few months later a new job brought me to Washington, DC and thus began a 15 or so year sabbatical, as my few searches for a spiritual home in the Washington area left me feeling unwelcome, no doubt because I was also in the early years of grappling with my sexuality and the welcome mat was not out at most churches - Roman Catholic or otherwise.  Last week as I observed the many younger gay men now attending St. Thomas', it occurred to me that my spiritual experience as a gay man is very different from what many you are experiencing.  I grew up as part of a generation that was not church centered or particularly spiritual in their lives.  When I was your age, being gay and going church most certainly meant subjecting oneself to ridicule and the occasional suggestion about one's masochistic nature for subjecting myself to the un-accepting message coming from many pulpits and churches.

So why was I drawn to this church? This Episcopal Church?  This St. Thomas' Church?  Was it just the persistence of Eric Scharf?  It was a while before I learned about the fire here at this St. Thomas' but when I did, I began to wonder, and still do, if it was the hand of God at work in my life, that He wanted me to resume my spiritual journey with a St. Thomas' community that was more welcoming and accepting.

My journey here at St. Thomas' since around 1994 or 95, has evolved ...  

... from sneaking out early on Rogation Sunday so I did not get pressured to participate in a public event, to making suggestions for hymns we sing and holding the St. Thomas' banner high in the gay pride parade.

... from silently questioning why we are sending so much of our money to support a project in far away Honduras when needs are great right here in our community, to seriously considering joining the next field trip to inspect the grains silo project and help support the work of San Mateo Parish in El Cerron, Honduras.

 ... from mentally doing my weekly calendar planning during homilies, prior to my arrival at St. Thomas', to now being actively engaged and challenged in trying to incorporate some of the messages of the Gospel in my daily life.

In a focus group session several years ago, someone said St. Thomas' is a place where it is OK to be single.  Gay and straight, single and married, I still remember we were all a bit startled by that simple pronouncement - because we had taken for granted a status that is a huge barrier to full inclusion in many parishes.

St. Thomas' for me is guilt-free worship - I am here because I want to be here, not because some church rule says I have to be here.  As we say in the post communion prayer, go out and do the work God has given you to do, and St. Thomas' is the first church where I have done that.